feeling old and grumpy - en

have drunk some ouzo and 2 bottles of beer with mom. i was feeling thoughtful in general and wanted to stop by here. it’s already midnight.

i don’t know man, like the title says, i don’t feel young at all for some time. especially after losing a person full of energy, youth and motivation several weeks ago, i started feeling way more stuck since. also the usual mental and physical baggage coming with sixth grade of medical school, hating what you do as a doctor candidate in wards and getting yelled by nurses… everything combines and makes you feel like an really old, sad, grumpy man.

you just don’t want to go out, you feel lucky if you are able to focus and read some stuff. i was reading unbearable lightness of being from milan kundera and it’s going nice and thought-provoking so far. not fancying czechia though. quite overrated imo. lol. but book started gently and nicely.

i don’t know if that person reads here or not but, emotional baggage is something one kinda struggles to deal with too. especially after having a simple walk with mom, seeing boring mersin places that wouldn’t mean something to you inherently but they mean a lot because of that specific reason, because of the memories that places caused and allowed.

have watched white lotus season 3 too recently. it was a forced and shite season to be honest, yet white lotus is white lotus. damn show made us almost criminals back in sausage-land aka deutschland.

oh, also watched ricky gervais’ after life. bro, it was so beautiful, so perfect, so lovely. i knew he always had such an clever and dense humour but the guy is so talented in terms of making people both laugh so hard and make you have tears in your eyes seconds after that. tony, i feel you friend.

eurovision is today. it always reminds me one specific person and one specific moment only. estonia song is cool tho. espresso macchiato is so funny yet meaningful. espresso macchiato, mi amore, por favore. hahah. you always loved espresso macchiato. wish i was there, watching the show together.

people who know me can easily ask me: “dude, when did you even feel young? you were always such an introverted, semi-antisocial guy of ours.” well. it’s not wrong for sure. but i felt young, definitely youngest and craziest i can ever feel in erasmus two years ago. that era caused a whole another sequences of new adventures, trips and brand new stories for innocent introverted boy bora and he is well beyond grateful for all of them.

endless weeks in nephrology ward, icu hell, a&e shithole for 2 depressive months and now general surgery dumbasses have killed the soul of that bora slowly though. with romance dies, usual daily stuff puts a heavier weight on this boy’s shoulder even more and makes him an old, grumpy man with an imaginary hunchback in his 24. sad but true.

cheers mate, have a good sunday.