homecoming - en

oh boy, it has been a while since i last wrote from our shitty town jolly old niğde. it looks like nothing has changed but me here. i remember the days after the final exam of third grade that i was waiting full of anxiety for the results of that creepy exam via watching the last dance from netflix. those days were in the end of the june dude, i still got surprised everytime when i think about the pace of the time passing by. it makes seven months, yet i feel those days fresh as last week. i felt something strange when i was closing the home in mersin getting ready to go. the last time i did this was the 29 june 2022, before i’ve gone to adana for the istanbul flight and later stockholm. i sensed some kind of closure and leaving the past behind, entering a new era in my life. it sounds weird, i know.

that june 2022 bora was quite a little boy to be honest, both physically and mentally though. yeah, i still cannot get rid of the weight i gained in stockholm. those kanelbullar was worth it, i don’t regret any bite of them to this day. but i continued to eat unhealthily after i came back to turkey. i totally don’t approve myself for this issue. whatever, this wasn’t the point in first place.

i can easily say that june 2022 bora has changed incredibly to this day. he had an amazing two months in stockholm in summer and experienced semi-working-lifestyle while completely living abroad for replete two months. that bora wasn’t a tourist in scandinavia, he was a native junior intern and stockholm-er. he walked on the cute streets of the capital of the scandinavia, he met interesting people who came from great britain, china and united states. he has seen the mick jagger dancing and listened here comes your man from pixies. he ate several different things and met with the one of the most important scientist of sweden in his beautiful countryhouse having a pretty barbecue party.

he, of course, returned to turkey and started an intense school semester of fourth grade. that bora has overcomed the pediatrics and internal medicine rotation somehow. those days were nothing but stressbomb. he experienced the hospital life and feeling of being a intern doctor to even his smallest capillaries for four difficult months. he realized that he didn’t learn anything in previous three years and he now admires medicine in general much more.

but the the most important thing is that he met a girl, he met his first girlfriend and broke up with her in school as he got dumped in a vicious way. the relationship didn’t last much but bora has certainly learnt critical facts either about himself, women and relationships. he experienced the peak of the amazing feelings and the deepest pit of harsh feelings. he now absolutely feels like he got older and sometimes even scarred deeply yet he believes he has risen from his ashes like a phoenix after that girl he met chewed him up.

that bora, who is currently writing from the starbucks of niğde, the worst city one can grow up, sipping his cold brew feels like a mature man now. he met and talked his friend ametg. ametg has also changed a lot, he had great improvements in his life too both in a good and poor way.

but niğde is still old niğde. i hate this place but cannot reject the fact that i grew up here and created lots of memories from my early childhood to highschool years. i hate niğde but i don’t hate my overly-romantic nostalgic side. niğde is what makes bora, bora with his strong and weak sides. man shouldn’t escape his past and embrace it. resentment isn’t the solution.

i took a walk as a tradition on the same old destinations of mine in city, it was quiet and cold. music in my ears have accompanied me but walk was a bit bitter one i sensed. it wasn’t like my past walks since this time i definitely felt like i am completely different person. memories, regrets and much more have invaded my mind through that boring walk.

birthday is coming soon. i don’t know what to say. 22 years has gone so fast and i feel like i’ve wasted the most of it with repeating the same silly mistakes. i am so tired.